I finally did it. I snapped in an M+. I finally hit the point where I told someone to F#@% Off. The rest of the group joined me in telling the fool that he was a toxic piece of crap. You cannot berate people in a dungeon because things are not going your way. Especially when you’re just as much to blame for some of the pulls going sideways.
It was a Necrotic Wake +16 (Tyrannical / Inspiring / Quaking / Encrypted). Tank initially seemed pretty chill. Group was Monk tank (toxic POS), Druid heals (me), MM hunter (a guildie of mine), Fury Warrior (funnily enough a random pug that turned out to be a long lost friend of the hunter), and a Boomie druid (random pug).
We had at least 1 wipe on every boss. Each due to an oops by any of one or more of us in the group. For the record, I owned every mistake I made (the first one being I forgot to double check my gear before the key was placed and ran with my boomie leggo rather than healing). I’m not perfect and will never claim to be. Various full wipes on trash. Each wipe, the tank got more and more roid-ragey. As we got closer to the end of the dungeon, he seemed to be focusing his anger towards the boomie. My guess is he realized me, the hunter, and warrior were interconnected and would back each other up. So the poor druid (who already confided in us that they were having a rough night) was the object of the tanks rage. When we finally downed the last boss, he unloaded on this poor druid and wove a tapestry of obscenities that, as far as I know, is still hanging in space over the Necrotic Wake (props to you if you can name this reference). And I snapped. So did the hunter. So did the warrior. We let him know in no uncertain terms (and with language that was equally as colorful as his) that his behavior was unacceptable. He was pissed because “the F#@%ing druid got the loot” that he was hoping for. It wasn’t the druid he unloaded on. It was me. I didn’t need the item that dropped. Neither did the other druid. However, because of his outburst, I decided that I wanted to keep it for transmog reasons. I think all four of us immediately /ignore-ed him.
Was my reaction with the loot petty? Probably. Was it justified? Maybe. Would I do it again? Abso-f#@%ing-lutely! You reap what you sew. Keys are weird sometimes. Sometimes you get an amazing composition of people and you just rocket through them. Sometimes you get less-optimal groups and you just have to muscle through it. Sometimes it goes so far south that you need a step ladder to reach the bottom of a whiskey bottle. At no point is toxicity something that should be tolerated (and never should it be rewarded).
Humorous aside, I was checking my raider.io information and notice that the monk in question either server transferred or name changed. Guessing his reputation “tanked.”
We spent some time chatting with this druid and trying to build his spirits back up. Hoping we’ll get to have him hang out with us during one of our raid nights, because he can use a positive experience in WoW.
2 thoughts on “Tolerance vs. Toxicity”
I’ve got a tough skin. I can let a lot roll off. I was once invited to an ICC run, yeah I know, that’s like so 12 years ago. Anyway back then I was pretty well known in our back woods server, I wasn’t great, but I did a lot to talk up our server and try to build community. So on this run my wife and I got an invite, it was ICC heroic 25, we probably barely had the gear to run it, but this was the top guild on the server and they were running small groups through to help others. After the second boss they whispered to the other person with me, apologized and told them that her performance was good, but their numbers were not going to get us through the next fight, would they mind stepping out, and they would bring in someone’s main. They were more than welcome the following week. Which I thought was pretty generous of them. So we breezed through Gunship and while we were setting up for the next fight someone logged into the vent channel,
Ok, I’m here bitches, where we at, kick someone so I can get in.
The raid lead/guild leader told them sorry, they were over 45 minutes late. To which they replied
Who the F is in there with you, just kick one of those carry F’s. I’m core, you don’t bench me. Let me look over who’s in the group, oh, oh, there we go, kick that Marathal, he’s a F’ing scrub, ohhhh, I’m a Shadowpriest, ohhh, I try to do things for the server, try to host events, give me a F’ing break, he’s nobody, just kick him, he should be glad he got 3 bosses.
I heard two or three people pipe up, dude, he’s in our vent.
What? Who let him in our vent, someone kick him out of vent and the group, I need a drop off Putricide.
The GM and two others moved him up a channel, they whispered me to apologize, they were dealing with it. I told them that I didn’t want to cause any issues for them. I would just leave. They said to stay, someone else dropped so this guy could get in. During the trash pull it was crazy, he was a hunter, tried to pull a ton of trash on me, I didn’t make it, but my damage numbers were through the roof until I got overwhelmed. The GM asked him “did you just dump a bunch of mobs on him? Yeah I did, what of it, wanna roll with the big boys you gotta carry your own weight.
He got kicked out of the raid group, off of vent, I was told kicked from the guild. I felt really bad, I knew he was an ass, but he lost his place and guild because of me. I whispered the GM, told him I was sorry about everything, and thanked everyone, and dropped.
I never did go back again. I avoided pugging anything beyond a random heroic dungeon for the last 12 years. I know it wasn’t me, it was just some toxic player. But I just could never get that out of my head. I cringe when people in the guild ask me to do something and I politely decline, and they say don’t worry, we’ll carry you. It still stings.
Oh goodness. He didn’t lose anything because of you. He lost everything because he was a f#@%ing arsehat. That the guild didn’t try to smooth things over, but rather tossed him to the curb means he was already a thorn in their side. That was the last straw. He was trolling the raid and the guild. Please try and reconfigure the associated guilt over the situation in your mind from you to him.